Yesterday's surprise email (posted yesterday on this blog) has put Minebuster into the Xmas spirit.
I am running the Lowndes Xmas special again.
In keeping with the recent "retirement" of a main character in this poem, I will retire the poem as well.
So enjoy....one last time.
The Melancthon people liked farming a lot
But Lowndes, an outsider, really did not
Lowndes hated farming!
All the farming seasons!
Now, please don't ask why.
We ALL know the reasons.
Staring down from his office with a John Lowndsey sneer
"Surely the end of Melancthon is finally near!"
He thought all the hicks in Melancthon would bite
And were too busy farming to put up a fight
"They are busy planting and digging!" he snarled with a sneer.
"While my open pit mine, is practically here!"
Then he growled, with his Lowndsey fingers nervously drumming,
"I MUST find a way to keep the mine coming!"
And he thought and he thought...In his small Lowndsey brain...
And that old John Lowndes, thought he was ever so wise
thinking the local hicks would miss their coming demise
He believed the locals would think they were unable to win
And that they would move from their farms and take all their kin
But to his surprise they started to object
So Lowndes thought by golly I am not finished yet
Now the more Lowndes thought of his devilish plan
The more Lowndes did think: “I must own ALL the land!”
“Why I practically own all of Melancthon now!
To own all the rest would be my greatest cash cow!
Then he got an idea, a brilliant idea!
LOWNDES GOT A WONDERFUL, EVIL IDEA!
And he cackled with glee “What a great Lowndsey trick!
With my money and talent, I’ll bamboozle these hicks!
But to his stupendous surprise the hicks all fought back
With a grassroots organization that they called NDACT
“No!” Lowndes cried out, in a murderous rage
As tears of frustration ran down his smug face
His minion named Mikey had stood up for his boss
Working to keep residents from realizing their loss
But now Lowndes gave Mikey a clear ultimatum
"Decimate NDACT, or you’ll see what I’m made of!”
Lowndes sent wee Mikey out into the world
with clipboard and binder oh, did he toil!
He went to each meeting and sat with those hicks
Who would not fall for his lies or his devilish tricks
At the end of the day, little Mikey returned
With a book full of notes and facts that he’d learned
He informed master Lowndes of his final call:
“Have mercy, kind master, they’ve outsmarted us all!
We’re finished we’re done, we just can’t dig a mine!"
And all the locals and yokels thought that that was just fine.
Everyone finally knew that Lowndes was a fink
And 1 million Ontarians had water to drink
NDACT went back to their farms, children and wives
And continued to live their meaningful lives.